Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
