so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
