oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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