I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
