You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
