Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
