Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
