I'm going to jail i love you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
