the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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