Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
