Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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