I accidentally had phone sex last night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
