The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
