I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
