i permit you to call me
"it" just moved
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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