I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
4 words: hood of his car
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
