I want to walk on stilts...naked
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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