Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
