Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
