You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize