listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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