I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
