You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I only lived at night.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
