There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
