I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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