the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
