I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
