I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
