Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
