I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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