..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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