I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
