I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
