All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is your signature on my underwear?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
