marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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