Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
