My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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