Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
