My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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