like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
