Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
