I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
