I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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