I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
