Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
