Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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