glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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