Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
