we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
