my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
