remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
