I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
