i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
