I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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