i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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