Me too!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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