I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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