you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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