I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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