There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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