Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
