I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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