I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
