It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
