I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
