I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
