Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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