when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
