btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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