was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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