something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
