The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
