Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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