I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
