So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
