it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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