4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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