Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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